The importance of building other women up (and scones)

women empower, girls compete

by Jess from Nerdy Dirty Flirty 30


As a long term fan of Raychael’s work and collaborative nature, I jumped at her offer to join her for high tea and a mini blog audit. What I thought would be a nice chance to meet my first blogger in real life (yes, it’s taken me 9 months) and eat some scones, turned out to be a 4hr chat-a-thon about all things blogging, career, inspiration, and life.



To be honest, I spent so much time engaged in our conversation that I was a terrible blogger and took only a few poorly-lit photos. Ah well, life over work, am I right?


We visited the impressively entranced Duxton Hotel for a traditional High Tea, complete with sparkling wine, scones, mini sandwiches, macaroons, a selection of desserts, and of course, tea. I am typically a savoury gal, and this High Tea was no exception, with the scones, chicken and cajun aioli sandwich, and baked egg florentine tartlet being my favourites.


With full bellies already, we had to at least taste each of the sweets, and the macaroons and rich salted caramel slice were gorgeous. Some of the dishes were too dry for my liking, although this could have been due to the fact that our talking left the food sitting there for a while! A more traditional take on the High Tea, I would be keen to go back to the Duxton and experience it again.


But back to the more important things (more important than salted caramel, are you insane?). The main theme we kept coming back to was the importance of building other women up instead of tearing them down. There seems to be this belief that one women’s success equals another woman’s failure. Comparison is the thief of joy people, and it gets you no where.


While I have been lucky enough in the blogging world to have avoided trolls and mean girls, not everyone can say the same. I have definitely experienced my share of bitchy teens (I’m talking to you popular girl in high school who used to tease me for my uneven teeth), and women who take your assertive and passionate nature as an opportunity to criticise and take you down a notch.


women empower, girls compete

The whole damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t mentality of society is so exhausting. The teenage girls who are sexting because they think they should, the 20-something woman who is working 70hr weeks to compare with her male counterparts, the first time mum who is getting hate for not breastfeeding/breastfeeding for too long/going back to work/not going back to work.


Just stop. Girls compete with each other. Women empower one another.


So let’s all try to be grown up women, and celebrate each others choices, successes and dreams. Collaboration is the way forward and there is no limited amount of success in the world. Everyone can have their share…unless we are talking about salted caramel, then the gloves are off!


Jess (Nerdy Dirty Flirty 30)


High Tea Review

Jess was our 2014 Worth Casing Blog award winner. You can read more about Jess and her blogging journey here.

About Mystery Case 462 Articles
Follow Raychael aka Mystery Case on her mystery adventures 'casing' people, products and places to bring you her worth casing favourites.


  1. Love that quote – I do believe there is enough success to go around, so I’d rather help someone achieve, if I’m going to miss out (then it’s like it’s still a win for me)….

  2. I totally agree with Jess. We all need to support and empower one another instead of trying to compete or just being nasty. I too have experienced more than my fair share of bullying over the years. Personally, I now choose to inspire and empower others at every opportunity – there’s more than enough good stuff to go around, as Lydia said 🙂

    • So sorry to hear you’ve experienced bullying. We had some awful experiences with one of my daughters, not to mention the constant trolls sent my way but I try and focus on the positives.

  3. Yep, I would totally fight you for that salted caramel! LOL. I’ve never been to a High Tea and I’ve always wanted to. It sounds yummy. I agree- I don’t understand the mean girl mentality at all. We’re all adults and high school is over! And thank god for that!

  4. Virtually applauding you over the internet Jess! Why does it all have to be so damn competitive? Why can’t we all be friends? Although i’m so jealous you got to meet Raych before i did – I may have to cut you for a while now!!!!!

    • Hopefully we will catch up in person soon Kirsty. Although it looks like with your surgery just around the corner, I may need to schedule more time for my Sydney trip, so I can come to you.

    • Thank you so much Kirsty! Oh I am a lucky girl indeed. Although can you believe it took me 9 months to meet her, even though I live 15mins away?!

  5. I love that you have raised this. I have found so many people welcoming and willing to share, but was feeling particularly lonely in the blogging world and wanted to do exactly as you had (meet up with someone in real life) when I approached one blogger – she flatly rejected me and it was full of competitive trimmings! Anyway I got over it and found another little gaggle who I have met up with once and they were so lovely. But I just want to learn with others and help others learn from me. I figure when the time is right I will meet my tribe and all will be ok in the world. Sharing is caring. Mel xx #IMustConfess

    • I’ve certainly experienced the good, the bad and the ugly side of blogging. Thankfully more good than bad. I’m not a fan of the word tribe but I get what you are saying with finding your place and your community. Sharing is most certainly a sign of caring in this virtual world we now find ourselves in.

    • What a terrible experience, why would someone reject a lovely invitation like that? People are weird, thats my official opinion! 😉

  6. Sounds like a fabulous afternoon and totally agree on the joys of collabos! You don’t have to love everything everyone puts out there but nobody benefits from unnecessary meanness. A blog audit sounds awesome.

  7. Comparison is the thief of joy – how perfectly stated. I always remind myself, the flower does not compete with the other flowers. xx

  8. I love this and so true .. As a mother of 2 teens they do have that immaturity and compete yet as women.. Strong women we need to help others rise

  9. Here here well said. Yes love the quote… women do empower each other. I love the Duxton for high tea, they have the most delicious vanilla tea.

  10. Here here! I am still so confused about the constant comparisons, hate and judgement that goes on between women, I’ve never understood it. That’s one of the things I love about blogging, I can help empower other women, share with them what I’ve learnt in the hope it will make someone else stronger who is going through similar. I never have the answers but I do enjoy sharing what I know to help others. I’m always telling my blogging buddies to drop me a line anytime to help them with their blog. They’re not my competitors, they’re my friends and I want to see everyone thrive.

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